Feels Like Life’s a Mess, but Exactly the Way It’s Supposed to Be

by Melody Jean

“It feels like everything’s a mess, but it also feels like this is exactly the way it’s supposed to be at this moment.” A quote by yours truly. What do I mean? Well I ran into an old friend and we got to talking and after listening to her and sharing where I am, I made this remark. Now there is no need to get into particulars of why I made the statement, but worth exploring is why I ended this remark with “but it also feels like it is exactly the way it’s supposed to be at this moment.”

Nobody is immune to life’s upheavals. Nobody. We all experience pain, heartache, problems with our houses, illness of self and loved ones and loss of those closest to us. So nobody is immune. And sometimes things happen all at once, one right after another or together. This is where I sit right now. In the last 72 hours or so I have tasted much of what I just mentioned, and some. It almost gets to a point where you say … how the F is it possible for all of this to happen, yet I’m still standing and functioning?

While I have this dead weight inside, I still find it in me to prioritize. I went to my dad’s lecture and put on a good face, came back to my condo, canceled attending a birthday dinner for two dear friends I helped put together for them last night, “band-aided” some minor new construction problems in my new home, packed a bag and headed out of town to help those I need to. In a quick haste I left many “small” issues behind or that which I have no control over at the moment or time to address. Sometimes our instinct is what gets us through. After arriving where I needed to be, I called Verizon to troubleshoot my phone which is fixed and there are still many other smaller things I need to navigate through and much, much more significant and worrisome ones in the coming days that make those small ones, seem shit in comparison (i.e. phone not working).

Some maintain that we pull this garbage toward us and there is a negative energy around you and is why you are being “dumped on.” I’ve entertained this notion and actually felt bad at times thinking my thoughts and energy are pulling this crap toward me. As I examined further I realize that no, I am not doing this. Because I have faith, faith in something greater and while it all seems uncanny that it happens at the same moment, I also realize that well, sometimes that is how it happens. Dad says we need the friction to move forward and to change and some of the things I am experiencing are certainly on that level I can ascertain, yet others are just annoying little issues and some are humongous ones that scare the bejesus out of me and it would anyone who has ever experienced what I am. So you see, while everything is a mess, it also feels like this is exactly how it’s supposed to be at this moment. I know that I will grow, I will learn, and I will be better having endured that which I have. If you read this far, I hope that you take from this what you need. Love and light to all.

 

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