How I Miss Thee – Did You Rush to the Phone to Call?

by Melody Jean

contemporaryseekerrushtothephoneSometimes we miss what we no longer have. From the intangible such as a particular time in our life, to a specific someone.

Yes, sometimes we miss.

A Place in Our Today

This happens for a multitude of reasons, really. The desire can be driven by a particular instance that triggers a reminder of a person or place. Perhaps it’s that we feel as if we didn’t have closure and left it unfinished. As a result, we begin to imagine this element from our past, that we miss, should be a part of now. Have a place in our today.

This is particularly true if what we miss is a former relationship. We can’t admonish ourselves for feeling this way. We’re human and have feelings and therefore we love. Yet, sometimes with love, comes loss.

Did You Rush to The Phone to Call?

It’s in these moments that we must tread carefully. When we first get hit with the feeling our first instinct may be to rush to the phone to call. I take that phrase, “rush to the phone to call” from a favorite Jeff Buckley song, but use it almost in jest. If we’re lucky we’ll trip on the way to the phone (figuratively of course) because rather than rush, it makes more sense to stop to think. Yes, think.

We rush because we seek a quick fix to fill the void and settle the unease. We actually believe speaking with him or her is the remedy. Yet, in the end, it might make us feel worse.

Better to Let Sleeping Dogs Lie?

Before embarking on an endeavor of reconnection, it’s often wise to examine our true motives for reconnecting. If it’s to rekindle a former flame, or seek the best friend we lost over an altercation, we may leave the attempt hurting more than if we had let sleeping dogs lie.

Many times too we’re secretly hoping that the other has come to some profound revelation and changed from the person we walked-away from previously. I heed these words of advice from my dad, “It takes a lifetime for someone to become who they are, so consider how long it takes for them to change?”

How Pure is Our Intent?

If our intent is pure in that we truly just want to catch-up and check-in on someone’s welfare then we’re heading in the right direction. Too we really have to make certain that we don’t harbor resentment, or remain hurt in any way. Additionally, our expectations, in a sense, have to be zero. Our outreach has to be purely selfless and we have to able to handle a touch and go scenario. That is that we say “hello” and leave without the possibility of ever speaking with him or her again.

After we examine these elements, coupled with perhaps some other factors, and we feel we’ve got this, then yes, go ahead and rush to that phone.

We are Masters of Tricking

If the decision is to proceed, it helps to remain mindful that even when we think our motives are innocent in that it’s not to rekindle or that we’re hoping the other changed, we still run the risk of being hurt after the interaction. Why?

Because it’s so incredibly difficult to determine our true motivates for anything, let alone whether to initiate a reconnection with someone we cared for, or still care about. Often it’s not until the situation plays itself out that we realize we’re disappointed.

After it comes and goes we actually feel worse than we did before and miss him or her even more. It’s at that moment when we realize that, yes, we were hoping for more. The Master of Tricking showed its face and played its hand. It played its hand all too well and we were fooled to believe what we wanted to believe.

My Experience: Leave the Past Where It Is

You see, we all have a tendency to long for those things in our past that feel unfinished or that we remember fondly, even if it wasn’t always filled with unicorns and fairies. Perhaps I’m a pessimist, or is it realist?

Yet, it’s been my experience that most times when I’ve rushed to the phone to call, I realized shortly thereafter, if not immediately that I made a mistake. I should have left my past in the past. More often than not I’ve convinced myself that I’m fine with the outcome no matter what. However, in the end I wind-up feeling let down, and as a result, more hurt than I did before.

There’s No Room

Most times there’s no room for the past in our present or future. Well, with one exception, there’s room for the lessons we learned. I believe there are reasons for this. However it’s also human nature to want to check-up on the past.

So if you’re toying with the possibility of reconnecting with an element from days gone by, I offer all of this to consider. Perhaps at the very least it may provide a reason to pause before you rush to the phone to call. And if you do dial those digits, and feel let down after as a result? Forgive yourself, after all you’re human too.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Alaysia Raine

I can so relate to this. Mine is mostly emailing my past. Thankfully by the time I’m done typing and rereading, I’ve changed my mind and hit delete. Then my “what if’s” have passed, for the moment anyway.
Thank you so much for this, it really helps!
Alaysia

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Melody Jean

Thanks Alaysia for your response! Yes, in our modern age there are many ways to “rush to the phone” haha! We can email, text, send a message on Facebook, all from one little phone. It’s too, too easy nowadays to contact the past. Thanks again for your comment. Have a good one! :)

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