My Birthday, My New Year’s Eve, My Perspective

by Melody Jean

melody jean contemporary seeker birthdayI sit here the night before my 41st birthday, all else asleep.

This has always been my new year’s eve because I’ve literally survived another year. One filled with triumphs and pitfalls and pain to peace.

It’s like all years; since the beginning of my existence. Life will always be comprised of those elements. I’m content in acceptance.

Recognizing that life is messy, glorious, imperfect, beautiful and terrifying at the same time. I don’t need to pretend I’m happy all of the time, or wallow in despair for extended periods.

By accepting and knowing there’s something higher than self, I don’t fear “good” and “bad” or the pain and glory of it all. I’ve found a way to live, to survive; a system that makes sense to me. Though I can always do better, but I know we all can.

Daily I hover somewhere between feeling “okay” and “fucked-up beyond repair;” certainly never excellent or 100% and I’m lucky if I feel 65% percent (of my former self). It’s been this way for awhile. Autoimmune does that to you, but it doesn’t beat you … if you don’t let it.

I often proclaim that I love my life, just not so much how my body feels living it all the time. But we all have ‘our thing’ and we all endure, because we’re still here.

So on my new year’s eve I’m sincerely just grateful that I made it; made it through another year – one of splendor and pain. And I know in my heart, that I wouldn’t want it any other way.

 

 

 

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Sean Kelly

Happy Birthday, Beautiful! I just had mine a couple days ago too. May this next year bring you peace, grace, laughs, love, and many hugs! -SMK-

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Melody Jean

so many thanks to you sean, and i wish you a happy belated, and peace in your new year too!

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