The Fruit of Temptation: Infidelity From The Single’s Side

by Melody Jean

Forbidden Fruit Contemporary Seeker“I believe there’s a ghost of chance that we can find someone to love and make it last.” – Rush

A successful marriage, or relationship, takes work. In every facet. Including faithfulness. It’s a decision to forgo all temptation.There’s no mystical truism. It’s black and white. If you want it to last, you must do the work, and resist.

If you don’t want to ante up, get out of the game. More importantly, don’t place your bet on me.

The Forbidden Fruit

We all know the story of Adam and Eve. It doesn’t matter that it’s found in the Bible nor whether we believe mankind is paying for Eve’s sin. We all know how it unfolds.

Eve ate the forbidden fruit from the tree that God told her and Adam never to touch. The serpent, who represents the devil is the sordid bearer of temptation, who beckoned her. The temptation was either too great, or she was too weak. Whatever the case, she ate from the tree.

Infidelity – A Sideline View: My Real Example

I went with friends recently to see a local band play. They have a big following because they cover popular music. I was just looking forward to a night of camaraderie among friends, kicking back, listening to fun tunes and enjoying life. I didn’t have any expectations.

–> The Allure – It’s Innate

I noticed a member of the band. When I say ‘notice,’ I thought that he performed well and was easy on the eyes. In all fairness, he seemed confident in his abilities. His stage presence alluded to such and that’s appealing to some extent.

Anybody who knows me understands my love of music. With this, I have a certain attraction to others who enjoy music on some level. It’s not a prerequisite to my clicking with someone, at all. Yet, it’s a welcomed commonality.

It’s one of many allures, which are innate. That is, that it’s found deep inside of me. We all have elements that we find alluring in others. It’s these that we need to be cognizant of so that we can keep them in check. They often make temptation harder to forgo.

–>The Encounter

About three quarters of the way through the night, he noticed me too. Through the crowded room I caught him looking my way and he mouthed, “I want to buy you a drink.” To ensure I knew what he meant, he imitated sipping a drink.

Shocked, I looked over my shoulder to see who he was talking to. When I saw there was no one behind me, I looked back and mouthed “Me?!” Nodding and laughing, he mouthed “Yes.”

> Red Flag #1

It was prior to the start of the set so he motioned for me to come to the stage. I approached, and he reiterated that he’d like to buy me a drink and asked if I’d be around for a while. I wasn’t planning on leaving so I answered affirmatively, and then walked hurriedly away.

When back with my friends I noticed he had a graphite ring on his finger. In my neophyte state about wedding rings I said to my friend, “Wait. So which hand is the wedding ring finger? Maybe his ring is on the other hand?”

The answer was left hand, which was the hand his ring was on. In that instant my bubble burst and I said hello to Red Flag #1.

–> Red Flag #2

Right after they played the last note of the final set, true to his word, he found me. I got a Diet Coke, much to his dismay. I told him that I’m really not as lame as a diet coke sounds. I’ve done my time, I’m partied out, will going on a three hour hike tomorrow and I need to drive home.

With obvious disappointment, I realize he wanted me to “drink” with him. I don’t “drink” anymore. I did that when I was young and didn’t know anything. Now I have a drink (or two). I don’t just “drink.” So here we stand at Red flag #2.

The first flag the wedding ring, and # 2, he “drinks.”  Super.

–>Message Carrier

If I were reading this I’d be wondering why I even allowed him to get me a Diet Coke. It’s for two reasons – one bearing more weight than the other.

He plays in a band that my friends see regularly so I’ll likely encounter him again. I needed to avoid being rude. I learned a long time ago though, that I can be cordial and still make a telling point.

This brings me to reason number two, which is the more prominent one. I had a message for him. Unbeknown to him, it’s a message he needed to hear. I was just the carrier of said message.

–> The Cheating Kind

You see, I’ve seen him before. His kind. The kind that’s bored with his wife for whatever reason and is looking for butterflies, excitement and new energy.

Sadly, this is not the first time a married man has come across my path. It’s really disappointing actually. Not only is it a waste of time, it reminds me why sometimes I feel safe and content being alone.

I know it works both ways in that women cheat too. The statistics in fact are staggering for both male and female. According to the Associated Press, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, dated September 8, 2012, 57% of men admit to infidelity in a relationship and 54% of women.

Further with a US divorce rate tipping the scales at 60%, many stats say about 50% of those who don’t divorce are cheating. So if this holds true only 20% of marriages are without cheating, yet, that doesn’t ensure that they’re “happy.”

–>The Message

After some small talk, while sipping my Diet Coke, I cut to the chase and asked him to tell me about his wife again. I sensed that he wasn’t accustomed to being turned down. He seemed confident. Yet, tonight, he knocked on the wrong door. My door.

He maintained his story about separation. I asked if they lived together, and if he had kids. His answers were no and no. Not living together and no kids.

In short I explained that I don’t do married.  “Separated” is a miss for me too. Especially if a ring is still in place. Separated is not divorced. Dating someone who is married is immoral, and I wouldn’t do it out of respect for myself and for the man’s wife. I’d be devastated if I were her. I wouldn’t do that to someone.

Through it all, as the words fell from my lips, I cringed inside that I was a having conversation about infidelity. It felt so wrong. I left that night feeling cold and empty inside. It was a sad moment.

–> The Final Flag

I later learned that Mr. Rock Star, in all his glory, is not only married, but has two little boys. Upon hearing this news, I felt like I was going to hurl. Denying a spouse is one thing, but your children is a whole different dynamic.

I looked up to the sky and said to my higher Will, “Why?” It was in that moment I was overcome by sadness. For his wife, his children, for him, and for humanity.

A Fall From Grace or Were We Never There?

It was a somber reminder how far we’ve fallen from grace. Or have we always been this far? The tale of Adam and Eve was written centuries ago. Perhaps it’s always been this way.

Mankind is comprised of beautiful wonders – we love, we care, we support, we nourish, we provide and yet, there’s always those who play on the other side. They hurt others, lie, are unfaithful, deceitful, and well just wrong inside. It’s one of the struggles within. The pull between temptation and resistance.

The right choice takes effort. Which way will you fall? The choice is yours. Choose wisely.

You may also enjoy my post which further elaborates on this called, The Pull of Desire – I’m on Fire.

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