Traveling Home — The Feeling

by Melody Jean

Traveling Home The Feeling Contemporary SeekerI returned home.

To live near where I grew up.

I’ve begun a new job, as well as relocated my entire life for the umpteenth time.

I’m four weeks back, and have left my inner feelings untouched.

Epiphany to Feel Again

Driving home from a work event just now I reflected on something I was asked tonight by a coworker’s wife.

She inquired, “how does it feel to be back?”

Caught a bit off-guard, my mind was stone-walled.

So much has happened in just my four weeks back “home,” most pleasant, some not, so I don’t dare share.

Yet, in that moment I realized I have not stopped to “feel,” what it “feels” like to be back.

With that, I pushed through, answering as honestly as I could …

The Same, but Different

It feels good. Real good.

While so much is the same, everything is different; I’m different.

Having lived in eight different cities over the last 21 years I’ve come to know a lot.

One pivotal notion is that the last place I lived, well, it felt as if I was born just 4.5 years before when I arrived there.

It dawned on me, as well, that I feel the men I dated viewed me in this vein; even if unknowingly to them.

It’s not that people didn’t care of my past.

In their defense, I really didn’t have a past there.

Here, now, I do.

Peaceful Heart

I feel a peace, here, and knew I would. Or I would never have made this drastic change to “come back.”

I was not done here when I left.

Too, I have my family.

I’ve connected with some true ‘old’ friends and even others who were acquaintances (in high school) have become more.

I’ve met new people in my complex who I know in time, will be friends.

I have a job that’s welcoming – from the people who are kind, considerate and smart – to my role.

So it feels nice, real nice.

All That’s Amiss

While everything isn’t in “place” just yet, that’s okay. I expect it to take time, but it will get there.

That’s Life

Upon reflection, I know I’ve had ups and downs in just these last four weeks, but that’s life.

This element will never change even though I continue to grow and change.

Where I’m Meant to Be

I do know that I’m where I’m supposed to be.

Four weeks newly back … and that is how it “feels.”

I’m very glad she asked, grateful for my job and thankful for all who have welcomed me “home.”

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Sean Michael Kelly

Happy for you! I’m still not sure where I’ll ever feel “at home,” but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be limited to being in my own skin. Central PA used to be home, it doesn’t feel that way anymore. Waiting to see where the journey takes me next! :-)

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Melody Jean

Sean, touche! For me home is where the heart is and I agree, our “heart,” or in your words “in your own skin,” is the primary place to feel at home. The step further (for me) …the people make it special. Thanks for your note!

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