From Chaos Comes Order and I Soar

by Melody Jean

Chaos Comes Order Contemporary SeekerI feel like I’ve put a lot out there the last six months.

I’ve jumped

I’ve climbed

I’ve crawled

I’ve cried

I’ve laughed

I’ve prayed

I’ve left

I’ve stayed

I’ve loved

I’ve lost

I’ve supported

I’ve learned

I’ve tried

I’ve changed

I’ve remained

I’ve succeeded

I’ve failed

I’ve perished

I’ve survived

Yes, all of this, and more, in six little months. To explain in detail, I can’t. This is mostly because I really don’t want to relive every single aspect. Nor do I want to experience them all collectively together again because, well, I’ve done that already. If I write it all out, in detail, this is exactly what will happen.

The Devil is Not in The Details

I’m starting to learn that the details of what happens is of importance usually only during the time that it’s taking place. Perhaps this is true because we need this information to get through it. Yet, the entire debacle or ordeal, especially if it is a compilation of them all at once is part of a bigger picture, “the grand scheme of things” so to speak.

Later, when it has come and gone; the issues, problems, or whatever ailments have faded to dust, you may consciously go back and examine them all one by one, or collectively together. Too you may never think about it again or at least not until something happens which forces your mind to dig it all back-up from your subconscious.

The Stormy Eye

While at this point I don’t feel it’s necessary to allow my mind to touch it all – especially in individual bits and pieces, I do believe that every inch that made it whole was part of my journey – my individual quest.

Everything hit with such force and so fast, it kept coming, didn’t relent and I didn’t have time to come-up for air. To keep my head above water instinct took hold and I just kept knocking each issue down as fast it appeared.

While by no means do I think I’m totally in-the-clear from whatever is swirling about, I don’t feel like I am in the eye of the storm anymore. My dad often says “from chaos comes order.” Now this, I finally understand.

Cusp of Change

I have a feeling which I somewhat captured above and will try to give justice to here. This feeling is one that’s deep-down inside of me. I don’t believe everything that has happened, or that is still transpiring, is just well, “coincidence.” It almost feels as if I’m on the cusp of change.

It’s exciting and sad at the same time. I feel that I’m moving forward to something that I have been working toward on a different level, yet it’s coupled with sadness because I also feel like I’m leaving something(s) behind. However, I also know that these things are meant to be left behind.

Our Physical House

As I sit here in my newly built apartment, in a brand-new apartment complex, I look around and I’m filled with irony. This is the second of two apartments that I have taken residence in since October in the same building. Both have been plagued with ongoing issues from the day that I stepped foot here.

I look around now and I laugh inside. You know why? I don’t really care anymore. This apartment is a symbol. That’s what it is. A concrete example symbolizing something bigger. It represents an element in my “grand scheme of things.” It represents my “externals” not what’s inside.

You see, our homes are supposed to be a place of security, where we feel safe. And well my “physical” home is falling apart and during all of this I lost a sense of security. Yet, since it’s still not “right,” I’ve come to a place where I just don’t care anymore about this, about my “physical” home. It doesn’t matter. If it’s not meant to get fixed, it won’t. Of course it will not be for lack of trying on my part because I have tried. It will be because something else is meant to happen. If it gets ‘fixed’ it’s meant to as well. Yet, does it even matter?

Soaring Soul

With the fall of my physical house and all else of late I have come to glean what really matters. It’s certainly not my physical house. What matters is my spiritual house, my soul. It’s getting ready to sing and soar, so to speak. I know this, because it’s the cusp of change that I feel. It’s taken me a long time to get here.

So with this I prepare to take flight and I plan to continue to share this with my fellow seekers at contemporaryseeker.com.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Stewart

Consider how many lifetimes it took to arrive at this place of awakening and learning?

Or is it all a dream, an illusion until we return to our real lives?

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Melody Jean

Thanks to you, I have considered this 🙂 I think it’s like a ladder. A continuum of sorts in that I’ve been somewhere before and I’m going somewhere after. Is it an illusion? I don’t know; but as the Sufis say “the apparent is the bridge to the real.” What is before me is not really what it’s about I can maintain and try to remember, but I can’t discount it entirely either. Interesting!

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