I Finally Surrender — So Teach Me Teacher

by Melody Jean

I Finally Surrender — So Teach Me Teacher Contemporary SeekerI’ve been told by my dad that I’ve lived a life of idiotic chaos (working to achieve ideals and expectations set forth by society), which I’ve done well in achieving.

When Luck Runs Dry

I’ve lived by the Thomas Jefferson quote “I’m a great believer in luck and the harder I work, the more I have of it.”

Well, it seems, I’ve worked my tush off, yet my luck has run out. Hard work can’t provide for every lesson, nor enable the opportunity to bring forth every aspect to fruition.

Yes, I’ve achieved much that society deems ideal – but it seems, I’ve been missing the greatest lesson of all.

Yet, it’s here. It’s loud and it’s clear. And there’s no ignoring it.

Don’t Give Up – Surrender

My father told me that I need to surrender to my illness. With this, I initially thought that he meant give up. This is something I never do.

He clarified his point, in saying, “No, don’t give up. But, Mel, you just want this gone, to go away, so you can live your life as you did. Your life was chaotic the way you were living (pressure filled). Do you think it’s coincidence you overcame one weird ailment and another manifested immediately? It’s not. Make peace with it, learn from it, and let it teach you. Listen, and learn. It won’t go away until you do. You have the opportunity to find truth.”

I am hoping among mighty hope that this is the case. Yet, getting “there” won’t be easy and I’m not sure I know how to. This is where I need to seek guidance from something greater than me …

Surrendering to the Highest

I started to explore the notion. As is such, I’ve come across others who have achieved this state of being. That is, they surrendered to their illness.

Is my illness an opportunity to learn how to reach higher and become what I was intended to be?

I’m not sure, yet, I need to explore it as a possibility.

The most difficult part – it changes all I knew, or thought, and with that very little of “the old,” remains.

Living a New Life

With this illness, I feel as if I’m in a “temporary” happenstance state of existence. It’s not me anymore, or the person I was. This life isn’t mine because it’s so different than that which I knew before it started.

I’m tired much of the time and uncomfortable – so working (at work), visiting with friends and family, exercising, hiking, doing anything and everything “feels” different.

Elizabeth Large, ND, sums up what I’m experiencing really nicely in her article, Illness as Teacher, The Art of Surrender.

She said, “When one suffers from chronic illness, the daily experience of discomfort or fatigue takes us off our trajectory and we are forced to live a life we don’t recognize as our own … Rather than trying to hold onto who you were before the illness started, it might be worth allowing the natural course of the illness to serve as a guide. I have witnessed many people state that they emerge from their illness a much more evolved person on many levels.”

My Illness, My Teacher

So now I will try to look to my illness as a teacher.

I remember, as a kid, being in school and each day brought forth new opportunities and struggles.

Did we always “like” our teachers? No.

And I think, why should this be different?

My New Classroom

Each day, in this new classroom (the new world I live), will be complicated.

Too, each day will have new discovery.

So I’m to expect that some days will be harder to surrender.

Yet, my goal is to push through as much as I can so that I may better understand what it is I’m supposed to learn from all of this.

Don’t Give Up, Yet Surrender

I’ve done enough, searched high and low, consulted with many medical professionals and holistic practitioners to find a root cause. Their knowing something is amiss, but unsure the answer, was an indicator that the answer I need is not meant to come right now.

So, in four months, not much has changed and I realize I need to go further, deeper.

–) A Reprieve

It’s time I surrender to something I don’t quite even understand. Despite how I feel physically, it’s time for a reprieve, to let go of my old life, and allow the new.

I now have to learn from the almighty universe, not from me, not from someone in front of a classroom, or my boss, or the expectations of society or anyone as well.

–) Changing Courses

Yes, I’m one who wants to know the cause. So thus far, I’ve asked my “teacher” or higher calling to guide me and grant me patience as I wait for the answers.

I will now add to that.

I will ask God to please show me all that I’m supposed to learn from my illness, as my teacher. Yet, please also continue to guide me on the right path (in healing) and help me to trust those I’ve been lead to thus far to help me (doctors and practitioners).

Prayer of Surrender

My dad has suggested this prayer to me many times, and in many ways, with various different words. Here is my version for this particular calling. I share it with all of you. Again, it’s universal so replace the word “Lord,” which I use, with something that makes you comfortable (light, universe, Allah, God,) or omit it completely.

A Prayer of Surrender to My Illness, My Teacher

Oh, illness I surrender myself to you, and the Lord.

I open myself up to your will.

Please help me to learn what is intended from this, my true calling so that I may love and serve the greater universe now and forever more.

I seek your guidance as I’m taught each new day, and each new way.

Oh, illness, I surrender myself to you, and the Lord, so that my true intention and the ultimate truth may come forth.

Amen.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Robert Moyer

No words can follow this… except Thank You!!!

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Melody Jean

I am glad that you took something away from this, and you’re most welcome!

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Siraj-al-Haqq

Surrender can also be experienced as openness to and acceptance of what is, right now, as well as openness to all the possibilities before you, with open awareness of how to BE right now and openness to becoming; constantly becoming… And “acceptance” does not mean “giving up” in any sense that “I deserve this” or “this is my burden to bear” and I have to just put up with this as a result of all that has transpired. It means embracing “this that I am experiencing right now” at this moment, embracing this slice of my life as the beginning of whatever I will make of the flow of my life from this moment onward. Surrender and acceptance and embrace mean dropping all resistance to that which cannot be resisted. With resistance, we acquire self-imposed limitations – limitations to the possibilities before us. Life can be viewed as a continuous flow of moments, with each moment a new beginning, a new opportunity to be present and active in more consciously shaping all new becoming… Countless blessings on your journey…

Reply

Melody Jean

Many, many thanks to you for your thoughtful note — I appreciate the time you took to share. When you said “It means embracing “this that I am experiencing right now” at this moment, embracing this slice of my life as the beginning of whatever I will make of the flow of my life from this moment onward,” it resonated very much. Again, thank you.
Kindly,
Melody Jean

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