Love as a Mystical State: Making it Last

by Melody Jean

Because of circumstances and energies of late I have a song by Rush, Ghost of a Chance taking up space in my cranium. Its message is powerful and is in regards to the ever illusive word love. I think that for most, what this word means to him or her is personal so I will not go into how I feel about it, yet I do believe there is a distinct difference between loving someone and making a relationship last. In my experience, people tend to confuse these two very distinct factors.

Don’t Judge Me By My Cover

Many may wonder what I could possibly know about this topic, since I sit here penning this post having yet to marry. To this I say, “Be careful; don’t judge a book by its cover.”

We grew-up in a world where we were “expected” to find true love and marry. Yet we now live in a world where times are changing. As per the Americans for Divorce Reform, approximately 40-50% of U.S. marriages will end in legal separation if the present trends continue. According to the latest government statistics in the U.S. and Great Britain, the average age of first time brides and grooms is getting older. Today’s couples are choosing to marry later than couples did a decade ago. Research also indicates that couples who wed when older divorce less than those in their 20’s. This is attributed, in part, to the fact that when you marry in your early 20’s you may not really know who you are, where you are going, or what you want from life. Older couples are more inclined to be settled in their careers, financially stable, and have a semblance of order in their lives or affairs. So as I sit here in my thirties I am not disconcerted in the least that I’ve yet to marry.

Discounting the Plague

Others may view me as being plagued or crippled in the area of marriage. While I’ve yet to officially “seal the deal” so to speak, I’ve had many fulfilling relationships. While they ended, I know they were meant to. The only true difference between me and those who married and divorced is that I didn’t have a legal battle over finances or children, and of course, no wedding. I did co-purchase a house with one of my ex-boyfriends. No legal issues ensued, the co-purchase just delayed the time that we could officially remove the other’s presence from our lives, which was about a year. From this I learned a lesson, as I do with most things. So I’ve no regret, but will not do it again – co-own a house without marriage.

Love as a Mystical State

In all of this what I find more unsettling than the divorce rate or whether or not we marry, is a common prevalent theme that I’ve noticed. I think this theme could be one of the reasons that people either don’t make it to the altar or they throw in the towel and divorce at the first sign of a wrinkle. It’s human nature to get caught-up in the mystical state of love with another. So when this lessens, the honeymoon period that is, they mistakenly assume that the love is, well, gone. They don’t recognize that there is a deeper love waiting; one that only manifests through work and commitment. My parents are still married over 40 years later. I’ve witnessed first-hand that a union of kindred spirits is beautiful, yet it takes work and commitment to make it last.

Infatuation, Love and New Sneakers

Once the infatuation wears off, and the initial newness of the relationship lessens people begin to see differences and just give-up. Realistically, you can’t keep the butterflies rampant, or at least at the newness pace forever. Liken it to a new pair of sneakers. When you buy them you’re super excited to sport them every chance that you get. As you’re breaking them in they may be a little uncomfortable at times, but you stick it out, and wear them at every opportunity. You see their physical beauty. As time goes on, the soles start to fade, the leather begins to break down; yet at the same time they become extremely comfortable. Hence they resume that space in your life as your most comfortable pair of sneakers. You do whatever you can to preserve them to ensure they last as long as possible. It’s their comfort that makes your feet really happy.

The same can be said regarding love with another. It’s as if you happen upon a new pair of sneakers, push through the uncomfortable stage, watch them fade, but you continue to love them anyway. You polish them in the hopes that they will last forever. As you do this, they fill that place in your life as your favorite shoes. Not just favorite sneakers, your favorite shoes, period.

Ghost of a Chance

Now this brings me to one of my favorite songs, which I started this post or this thought with. I think it sums up beautifully and eloquently that which I mention above. I believe there’s a ghost of a chance that we can find someone to love and make it last.”

I share with you the lyrics below and this link to the audio of the song that I found on YouTube.

Ghost of a Chance Lyrics 

Like a million little doorways
All the choices we made
All the stages we passed through
All the roles we played

For so many different directions
Our separate paths might have turned
With every door that we opened
Every bridge that we burned

Somehow we find each other
Through all that masquerade
Somehow we found each other
Somehow we have stayed
In a state of grace

I don’t believe in destiny
Or the guiding hand of fate
I don’t believe in forever
Or love as a mystical state
I don’t believe in the stars or the planets
Or angels watching from above
But I believe there’s a ghost of a chance that we can find someone to love
And make it last…

Like a million little crossroads
Through the back streets of youth
Each time we turn a new corner
A tiny moment of truth

For so many different connections
Our separate paths might have made
With every door that we opened
Every game we played

Somehow we find each other
Through all that masquerade
Somehow we found each other
Somehow we have stayed
In a state of grace

I don’t believe in destiny
Or the guiding hand of fate
I don’t believe in forever
Or love as a mystical state
I don’t believe in the stars or the planets
Or angels watching from above
But I believe there’s a ghost of a chance that we can find someone to love
And make it last…

Ghost of Chance copyright Rush

–> To stay in the loop you can follow Contemporary Seeker on Facebook and Twitter.

{ 0 comments… add one now }

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: