Matters of the Heart – Unlearning to Learn

by Melody Jean

Matters of the Heart – Unlearning to Learn Contemporary SeekerI say I’m ‘okay’ with letting go, moving on, or going beyond. But in reality, I’m not always.

But who is? It often feels yucky inside. 

Matters of the Heart

Case in point?

I think one of the most disheartening elements is finding love and not being able to make it last.

To his fault, mine or both – for many reasons, it just doesn’t happen.

I like to believe I always give it my all. My whole heart.

Actually I know I do.

The Game of Love – You Win or You Lose

Yet, there is another in the game of love here.

It’s not solitaire.

It’s more like monopoly; with another player and it’s always a gamble.

In matters of the heart I have little control.

Only governance of my own thoughts, feelings and actions.

Because the other, well, he is rightly his own entity unto himself.

He decides his fate (and ours) by deeming my behavior and actions in a way aligned with his views and upbringing; essentially what he knows.

Undoing Ties That Bind

While I do this as well – align elements with preconceived notions, it’s to a much lesser extent than most I date.

I am not boasting; just stating fact.

I have undone many of the ties that bind.

Those ones that don’t let me see things clearly or for what they really are.

My mind wants to tell me it’s to my detriment.

Yet, in reality I know that it certainly is not a disadvantage.

It’s to my advantage that I can “see” what’s before me.

I only say the latter in jest because since things are so easily clear (to me), I have to walk away from a lot.

Especially if the other is not willing to “hear.”

He Who Has Noise Cannot Hear

The difficulty (for me) lay in other’s inability to “hear” due to perpetual “noise” blocking his mind and soul.

“Noise” in ‘communication theory’ is anything that doesn’t allow one to hear, or see clearly, what is being conveyed. Essentially those elements blocking one from understanding.

The “noise” is a compilation of those elements that we take with us from childhood and pick-up along the way.

They’re preconceived notions, prejudices, values, norms and beliefs that arise within someone’s core from individual life experience(s), circumstances, family dynamics, schooling, one’s peers and society.

All of these fundamentals are engrained deep in his or her center.

And until one learns to quiet the “noise,” they will not “hear” what anyone is saying.

Only what they’re conditioned to hear.

Emptying the Pitcher – Learning Again

Idries Shah, one of the great Sufi Master’s says ‘You must empty out the dirty water before you fill the pitcher with clean.’

Essentially we need to “unlearn” to “learn” again.

Until the dirty water dissipates, the crystal clear water (your knowing and ability to see what is before you) will remain a stagnant dream.

I will leave you with this … 

An Unruly Plight – Releasing

Often I lament for what was lost.
Weep for what I thought would be.
Twist my knowing deep in my core.
Coil it like a pretzel;
my thoughts and perception.
I just want it to fit again.
Back into the safe
little picture we created.
Yes, I want it to all to meld again.
After all, isn’t that
how life is supposed to be?
With little pieces fitting together?
That’s what society told us.
That’s what we were brought-up to believe.
But that’s not how life is.
I don’t believe it was ever intended to be.
It’s only through individual work,
mixed with a dash of collective effort,
that two can paint an everlasting picture of beauty

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Michael Cloud

Intriguing thoughts. I believe we all struggle with love. It is such a pure concept that we, as imperfect beings, can not accept it for ourselves. Those ties that bind you speak of, are they not just appendages we add to our concept of love? Would love be as free and wholesome with any ties? Would we recognize it for the pure and untainted source of joy it is if we didn’t tag it and tie it?
I enjoy reading your thoughts on this. May your struggle be short and may you be well and satisfied.

Reply

Melody Jean

Thank you Michael for sharing in the conversation. “The heart knows what the mind won’t accept …” I was asked by a mystical teacher … “what does “Love” feel like; can you describe it?” Of course as most do, I tried to describe it and found (to my amazement) I couldn not! The higher essence is the almighty love. And you just “know” it exists. “Believe,” is different than “know.” Perhaps to many “believe” in romantic love and don’t “know” it just as too many believe in God, the light, life force, energy, etc. but don’t actually know it. They were told to believe. I know that I cannot describe what it “feels” like to love but it’s something I “know.” So would I know it “love” if we didn’t “tag” and “tie” it just as we tag and tie God, the light, life force, energy,etc. … I think so, but that is for each to decide. Thanks again for your thoughtful comment and for continuing the conversation.

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David Salinas

Hope I’m not intruding, but let me share a little about love from someone who has loved and been loved.
I dated someone many years ago who I really became attached to. For the eight months we dated, she showed me more love than I would be shown in a lifetime. I had just gotten over a divorce and had only dated a few times afterwards. I was just being careful and guarding my heart. And one day I was walking down the aisle of a department store where I worked and took notice of this very pretty girl folding blankets or something in the department she was working in. It was her smile that drew my attention. It wasn’t a fake smile or a casual acknowledgement, it was a heartfelt, “hello, how are you!” Smile! I had never seen one quite like that and I couldn’t quite get it out of my mind. So I spoke with one of the other employees in her dept. and asked if she was dating anyone and she said I should ask her out. Which I did.
So after taking her home from our first date I spent the next few hours getting to know her. I knew she wanted to spend it with me otherwise she would have ended it. I must have made an impression on her because I had never had this sort of feeling before, one where I was the center of her attention. And for the next 8 months this is how it would be. We had fallen in love with one another. She had a pet name for me, “Liebchen”, which is German for “a person who is very dear to someone”, which is a term of endearment. She loved me like no other could. She was so genuine that she made every other woman seem like a thing of the past. She was always in the present with you. I didn’t want to be
around anyone else. When she called she had the warmest hello coming from the other end and I knew it was real. She was for real. I have never met anyone so genuine, honest and smart. She knew how to treat someone she loved. I was the recipient of her love. She made a lasting impression on me that is still there today. I had fallen in love like I never had before.
But she was by that time ready for marriage and I was not. We were both young. So after several months of contemplating her proposal I ended it with her. I had broken her heart several times in the process because I felt she deserved better than someone who was divorced and marred from it.
But through the years I have thought about her and wondered what became of her. She was truly one of a kind. I’ve not felt that from anyone since.

David

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Melody Jean

David – thank you for your thoughtful comment, and for sharing your heartening story. Peace to you.

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