Mistaken In Love

by Melody Jean

contemporaryseekermistakeninloveWe all seek love – the love of our almighty creator (whoever or whatever we believe this to be), that of our family, friends, significant others, and even through the creation of our own children and immediate families. Yet, while we seek love, I think we also fear it, or mistake it for something else. As a result many find that we’re not in committed, long-lasting relationships (not married, divorced, etc.).

We have relationships of course; whether it’s with a boyfriend/girlfriend, or that of husband and wife, but many end. I think perhaps why this is so is that maybe we’re looking for the wrong “feeling?”  Can it be we actually, in part, fear ‘real’ love.

What Do I Mean to Mean?

Well, the more I examine this the more I think that true love isn’t something that happens when you first meet someone. So if you entertain this thought; when we do in fact find someone that potentially wants to truly love us – for the good, the bad and the ugly – and it’s in our grasp, we mistakenly let it go. Find any reason to rid ourselves of them really.

—> The Obsessional Attraction ‘Feeling’

We do so because well, their “caring” feels unsettling. Where’s that intense obsessional attraction? I think that ‘obsessional’ attraction is partly the game and excitement of having to prove you’re worthy of the other. If he or she shows you the level to which they can care for you, right-off-the-bat, we think, “Why do they care so much? Appreciate me so much?” That’s boring! He or she calls when they say they will, shows up when it’s necessary, remembers what you’re doing that day, but we somehow feel unsettled with this? We just feel weird about it, that it’s not right. Although when we don’t have this we always say that we want this very thing, the caring.

Yet, we want it from someone who can’t give it to us. Could this be because we want to work for it? Because we mistake that feeling of wanting it, trying to convince someone to give it to us that is, as true love? It’s just so oxymoron-ish to think about (yes, my play on words – I know oxymoron-ish is not a word, ha)!

—> We Like to Work For It

Many are just accustomed to the relationships that take so much work. You know, those ones where we have to prove our worth to the other time and again. My dad said to me one time … “you are looking for someone who you like, why not try finding someone who likes you!” Wowzers. Thanks Pop, what a concept.

The Superficiality of “Relationships”

I sometimes think that we humans subconsciously like, for lack of better words, those who only need or want us emotionally “some of the time.” Someone who wants us by their side because we have a career, can socialize, dress well, speak well, eat well, exercise, will produce pretty children, take care of said children, say all the right things in social settings; but there is little depth beyond those things.

So when push comes to shove, the shoves get harder if you will. Eventually then, you end-up going your separate ways via a break-up or divorce.

Mistaking Excitement and Friction for Love: The Nice Finish Last

Do we seek the indifference, the excitement, and mistake it for true love? Do we toss aside those who don’t procure that almighty high or friction? There’s a saying “nice guys finish last.” Well I think there’s some truth to that and for women too. Women who show men they care are often let go left and right.

So with this said, when the right one comes along, who will love us unconditionally I really believe that we mistakenly feel “nothing’s there” because he or she could love us, will love us, and that doesn’t “feel” right.

—> You Can’t Have My Independence!

Too there may be an element that if this person feels this strongly you may have to forsake your independence. I like to use my parents as an example – their love is deep, on multiple levels that transcends time. They’ve had ups and downs, but one thing is constant – that true love. They’ll do anything for each other; they’re best friends so to speak. They are two of the most independent people I know, yet they are dependent on each other in the same vein.

I believe others have found this love too and for all of us who have yet to do so, we can all only hope to find this “love” someday. I think many of us could benefit from turning the switch in our brains to allow the “nice” man or woman to finish first. My experiences of the last few years gave me the “juice” for that which I wrote below. Take from it what you need.

Loving So Rightly Wrong

Filled with idiocy

in this vein

You’ve shown me

what I’ve willed for

 

Tasting of it, I sip uncomfortably

so I let it fade down the road

back to comfortable, on my own

After all, this is what I know

 

Easy, I turn away

sigh a sigh, glance to the almighty high

whisper thank you sir, but that’s not for me

there just was no uncertainty

 

He would’ve filled my cup with gold

but I prefer a cup of lead

I don’t blame him you see

I just feel safe alone instead

 

Been here before, with lovers of heart

who slip through my fingers, so we part

Let the wrong in, usher the right out

Is this what it’s all about?

 

It’s black, no white

No, wait! It’s gold versus lead

Yes! That’s the answer

I prefer numbly comfortable instead

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