My Human Being vs Light Being: When the Answers Don’t Come

by Melody Jean

My Human Being vs Light Being Contemporary SeekerWhen you’re dealing with anything unpleasant for a long duration it bogs you down eventually.

It becomes tiring, draining and soul clenching. I’m at a loss and told this happens from time to time while on our spiritual journeys.

Journey for the Answer

Often we go on a quest for answer(s), which in and of itself, can be all consuming.

Especially if you’re like me — someone who is a seeker.

–) I’m Human Too

During this period I really have tried to “will” my soul to stay centered. I’ve encouraged it daily and sometimes hourly to believe (via hope and faith) that everything will be okay.

Too, I’ve continually honed my inner light and I readily seek guidance from the eternal light source.

Yet, to no avail, I have to admit, I’m human. It “gets to me,” too.

–) A Physical Malady

I’m in a physical malady of sorts right now.

You see, this struggle, lesson, journey (or whatever you want to call it as a seeker of truth); has been ongoing for many months with the answers yet to come.

Since it is physical in nature, inside my body, it alters my life. And sometimes considerably.

–) No Pity Here

I don’t want pity for me or my condition. This isn’t what this post is about.

It’s about the reality of “life” as both a human being and a light being (seeker of truth).

–) Sometimes the Tears Come Down

So, sometimes, some moments, and some full days, my physical <human> body takes over and the tears come down.

I rack with sorrow for how I feel and miss how my life (used to be).

I’m hoping, the all mighty hope, that this is a transitory episode on my journey for truth. God willing …

In the Meantime …

I’m learning to transcend the fears associated with

(1) Symptom management (pain vs comfort)

(2) Not knowing what I have

(3) If it will (or can be) be cured

(4) If it can’t, the fear of re-learning life with the “disability”

I’m no stranger to disability. I have many <wink, wink>.

In truth, I do. With that I know it takes time, patience and the love of those close to you, to overcome.

When the Answers Don’t Come

My dad told me today to take a break.

A break from looking for answers. Because I can’t keep the pace of looking endless hours each day.

I’ve seen so many doctors, endured a plethora of medical tests, swallowed many medications/supplements/vitamins, and searched numerous medical journals for answers. So I’m tired.

–) Dad’s Answer

While not from “the light source,” my dad’s advice, I tend to trust.

He said, “Just stop looking, take a break and try to relax. Perhaps the answer or answers aren’t ready to be revealed.”

–) My Dubious Response

Since the nature of my illness is a physical one, even when I try to relax the way I used to, it’s with me. He knows this.

So this, coupled with the fact that I don’t feel well at the moment, I retorted back incredulously.

I said, “Take a break!? Who will cure me then?! If I don’t find the answers, who will? Should I cancel my doctor appointments, sit on my butt and do nothing — is that what you mean by ‘take a break?!’

–) Taking the Harsh Outta Harsh (sorry Dad)

To readers, this may sound harsh. Please know though, this abruptness was not directed at my father, more the medical system in general.

I’ve been here before. Weird ailments that doctors can’t find an answer for, yet due to my perseverance (e.g. strict review of medical tests, blood results, review of medical journals and good ol’ googling), I HAVE found the answer and further found the remedy and recovered.

So forgive me if I don’t have full faith in the current medical system!

When You’ve Done All You Can

I’ll paraphrase my dad’s kind response. He said that he wished it were easier for me, but perhaps I’ve done all I can for now.

He suggests, I let it play out, give it time. Follow all of the various doctors’ orders, continue to see them, take my medications, pray, meditate, endure patience (wait), and perhaps it will be revealed. At least he said, “break” for awhile — weeks or a month, not days.

Taking a Break? Is it Possible?

You see, I have taken days away from seeking (e.g. for the holidays, special occassions, for work, and many other times).

While, unfortunately my physical body can’t literally “relax” as I used to, due to the nature of what I’m enduring (it’s impossible); perhaps I can do as dad suggests. Limit my seeking further and trust I’ve done enough.

Turn my focus to other things while following the path I’ve already set into play and then, the hardest part … just wait.  Do nothing more and perhaps the answers will come.

My Human Being vs. Light Being

So yes, I’m at a loss for what to do especially physically. I still have several doctors to see, tests to do, and medications to take, but I know my soul and mind ache from seeking.

A Prayer to the Blessed Light Source

In the interim, while “I wait,” I will pray to the blessed light source.

Ask that it help to distract me from seeking while it guides me to the answer(s) or helps the answer(s) find me.

If it’s not time for answers, I invite the source to show me the way.

While I wait, I ask for it to please help give me the strength, patience and courage needed until the answer(s) finally do come.

Peace and light to all. 

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Stephen

Hi Melody:
I am sad you are suffering.
Try to be grateful for what you do have.
We do need rest on our journeys.
Much love
Stephen

Reply

Melody Jean

Thanks for your kind words, but please don’t be sad. I am thankful for that which I’m afforded. It’s just I’d not be a human geing if I didn’t mention that I’m human too .. and the tears fall down sometimes. Thanks again and my love to you all this New Year!

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: