Problems Come In all Shapes and Sizes: How to Cope

by Melody Jean

Problems. We all have them. They are of every variety, shape, magnitude, duration, variance, and consistency.

“Problems are placed before you, so you can overcome them.” This is something my father always says to me.

Reoccurring Problems

These are the ones that appear, disappear, only to come back and reappear again, then disseminate once again, only to reform again. It’s as if it never completely goes away.

Sometimes it’s as simple as a smartphone that keeps breaking down. We call the Verizon rep, troubleshoot and it’s seemingly fixed. Then a few days later the remedy comes undone.

Other times it may be a more substantial reoccurring issue such as a person who comes and goes from our life. Every few days or weeks he or she sends a text, calls or asks to get together. While the person may not be the issue, it’s the feelings associated with the situation that makes us uncomfortable. Especially if it was a former intimate relationship.

It can be something along the lines of a leaky door – every time it rains moisture and water seep into the house. Try as we might to permanently rectify it, the darn thing keeps dripping time and again.

Drawn-out Problems With Little Control

Then there are those big, long, drawn-out problems that we have only so much control over. Yet regardless of limited control, we still need to do our best to muddy through the process to get past it.

A prime example is when a loved one is diagnosed with a very serious illness, or God forbid a terminal one. This problem won’t go away on its own. If we hole-up and try to ignore it, we won’t wake up one morning and it’ll miraculously be gone. We have to find a way to cope with the pain of what the process brings.

Often we set about the task of trying to help. Whether it’s just being there to support him or her in their fight against the illusive enemy of disease and illness; or taking action to help find the best medical care possible. Either way, we get caught-up in it. This problem has us for however long it takes.

In the meantime, it helps to turn it over to our higher Will for guidance on how to manage the pain and discomfort. In the end, we’ll will get through it. Yet, it’s a process.

Easy Peasy Problems – We Got This

Ah, but then there are those problems that rise-up to which we can solve instantly. It’s as if we were waiting to conquer this problem.

These often occur during work or daily duties. An issue appears and we need to provide minimal assessment in order to determine the answer. It’s almost instantaneous. We put out the fire before it even begins, so to speak.

These are the best kind of “problems.” A part of me believes that these problems are easiest to handle because they happen frequently and in a setting where we do best.

Most are efficient in their jobs because they understand the intricacies involved. We’re trained to do it and possess the skills to do it well. These problems are also less personal and more task-driven.

This holds true for the parent who stays home to care for children. If the child doesn’t want peanut butter and jelly for lunch, yet that’s what’s available, on instinct the parent knows what to do. The answer is either innate or comes from years of experience.

Problems – We Have No Control

But then the hardest, in my opinion, which I’m told can also be the easiest, are those problems that no matter what we do, we have zero control. Zip, nada, nothing. While we may think we have control, and try as we might to influence the outcome; in reality, we don’t. The universe really is in the driver’s seat.

I see this time and again especially when it’s my destiny intertwined with someone else’s. A good example is where I see friends longing to meet their significant other, you know, the one. After all he or she is out there, right? All we have to do is continue to put ourselves in situations where he or she will find us. And, bam! Problem solved. Or not?

Internet or online dating makes this much easier to put oneself in that pool. I’m not knocking it by any means, because what if it is our destiny to meet him or her that way? Yet, too what if it’s not? This is much more likely to occur based on odds. So if we do the online dating gig and this isn’t how we’re destined to meet him or her then we’re placing a lot of time and energy in a place where it isn’t needed (reading profiles, answering emails/texts, talking on the phone, meeting in person). Further, when we do meet those “potentials” in person we’re disappointed that it’s not the one.

An even worse scenario is that we meet someone, force it, and marry only to find that they weren’t the one after all. That’s not who the universe intends for us to be with.

Worth nothing too is that this wish, or request, involves another human being. It’s not just based on our plan but their plan as well. What if he or she is going through a divorce right now and we’re meant to hook up later? In the meantime we waste our life searching and seeking incessantly. So try as we might to control when, how, and where our true love will appear; if it’s not meant to be it won’t be.

This can happen too in many other instances. For example, a parent who wants their child to receive sports scholarships to off-set the cost of college tuition. Sounds easy enough, yet what if the child doesn’t excel in sports? The reality is push as we might; if it’s not the destiny of the other we’re setting ourselves up for a lot of pain and seemingly what might appear as failure. In this case, for both child and parent. When one’s wish is caught up in another’s life plan, it makes control much more difficult.

So I circle back to my first point. While these seem as if they are the most difficult of problems, they are also the easiest in some right. In these examples if we do as I mentioned before, trust that something higher is at work here, we can release the pain. Turn the energy over and move on. I touch on this in Trusting in Our Higher Will.

Road Blockers – The Compilation

Then there are the road-blocker problem(s). See the “s” there? It’s plural for a reason. I use it to highlight those times when all, or many, of the above problems are happening simultaneously. This is where I’m currently sitting.

How to Gain Perspective

An effective way to assess our problems is to step back and analyze where they fall on the spectrum outlined above. When really confused, or feeling bogged down, I find it helpful to make a chart. For simplicity I use just three columns and list the problems beneath each. The headers include:

(1) Ongoing Management Needed

(2) Minor Have Control/Can change

(3) Good Things

Number three I include just because it helps to keep everything in perspective and to maintain a balance. It adds a positive element to the task.

The End Note

We will always have problems, that which are easy, difficult, painful, long-term, intermittent, and many others. It’s usually when several transpire simultaneously that we get bogged-down. The same is true if we face one really complex issue.

We need to understand the difference between our problems. This way, we can derive methods to work through them and find solutions.

In the end, if we’ve done all that we can and an issue still persists, we should let another force take over. This is when we need to rely on our higher Will to help us through. Afrer all, we’re part human too.

You may also enjoy Feels Like Life’s a Mess, but Exactly the Way it’s Supposed to Be where I speak to this some more.

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